EP023: Appreciating Your Anxiety

Jessica: Hi friends! Today with Melissa here. She's a part of our Avanti community and I'm excited to hear all that she's got to say about body modification and self-expression but before we go anywhere into my questions, why don't we start by hearing a little bit about you?

Meet Melissa

Melissa: Yeah. I'm 20 and I actually live with my cat and my dad, as well as my brother. My brother actually came back from the army not too long ago, actually, either, it was like a little bit earlier last year, he came back from the army. I'm actually looking for a job, which is really hard to do right now.

Photo by @darketex_

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: Especially with the pandemic so it's a little bit tough trying to find a job, and still trying to step out of my comfort zone because I struggle a lot with anxiety.

Jessica: Yeah, I know. I can understand that. I also am an anxious person and even these interviews, I've done a hundred of them, and I'm like, "I am so anxious!"

Melissa: You stay indoors for so long now and it's like it's more detrimental than anything. I mean, I need to work on my social skills, and that's how it helps me with my anxiety is because I mean, I'm socially very anxious because I tend to overthink things so easily.

Jessica: Which isn't necessarily a weakness. What I found is that overthinking just tends to be you tend to be more cautious and more thorough, than if you're less anxious, you're less prepared, but anxious people are a little bit more prepared for what-if scenarios?

Melissa: [inaudible 2:11]

Jessica: Because you've thought of them!

Melissa: Yeah, I'm always told that I overthink things where it's like, you're putting way too much thought in it or to stop overthinking it. I've kind of gone as far as to thinking to myself, that I'm not overthinking it. I'm like, that's just what I do, I just [inaudible 2:34] that it's me but it can be good and bad.

Melissa and Jessica talk about their piercings and their piercing experience

Jessica: Yeah. So why don't you tell me a little bit about your piercings so you have your septum pierced, it looks like you have a vertical labret.

Melissa: I do. Yes!

Jessica: Nice. I guess, I have a lot of questions. My first question is, what was your first piercing?

Melissa: It would be my ear lobes.

Jessica: Nice.

Melissa: Yeah, so I'll talk about that. When I was much younger, I wanted my ears done because there was a heavy influx of lots of girls getting their ear lobes pierced and I just always liked that just a little something sparkly on the ear. I thought it was very pretty and very delicate and so I went to Claire's and got those pierced with a piercing gun and I had some complications with that. It was very odd so obviously, their cleaner for one really stinks because they put alcohol in it and I was like, it shouldn't be stinging this one. Then also, what would happen is the hole was migrating and my mom scared me that as a child, she was like, you take them out, they might rip because they're coming down so low.

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: It's very odd and so I had them done a second time and the same thing happened. So then probably when I was about 16, I went and actually got them professionally done by a piercer and everything went fine, and it actually hurts less getting it done with an actual needle and I even have pierced it 12 gauge and it didn't hurt as bad.

Jessica: Yeah. I had my ears pierced with the guns too as most people do, I think.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: And the experience healing those was way worse than anything I've been pierced with a needle. Even my piercings that weren't successful, were still less painful healing than the ones done with the gun.

Melissa: Yeah, I don't know. It's just because they're taking a blunt object and the blunt force trauma.

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: It's just because they're taking the earring, jamming it through your ear, and it's just not very safe once you take that into consideration. It says if you were to pierce your own ear at home, those needles are not going to be as sharp that you would like to use. Let's say somebody uses a safety pin. Well, that's not nearly as sharp as a sterilized needle that's made for piercing through the skin.

Jessica: Yeah, I mean, and you can't even sterilize a piercing gun, even if it's one of those disposable ones, it's still not sterile so the risk of infection is increased. Whereas with the needle, as long as everyone's following the correct steps, it's as sterile as it can possibly be, not in a surgical environment. So when you got your ears pierced, did it change anything about you internally or do you just have sparkly ear lobes, or did it like spark this need to get more piercings?

Melissa shares how she became more confident after being pierced

Melissa: Even before I had gotten my ears pierced, I definitely wanted more piercings. I had an interest in it. It was definitely a very aesthetic interest and then when I started getting piercings, I actually realized to myself how it makes me feel more confident with the features that I have with my body. For me, I felt like...what I was saying was, I found with piercings, it's like if I didn't have so much self-esteem with a certain feature like let's say my nose, I felt like getting it pierced definitely give me more confidence in the way that it looks.

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: I wouldn't be so inclined to actually go and get a modification that would change my body drastically. Piercings are not as permanent so I just felt like it's definitely for me. I feel like it's the better route to go.

Jessica: Yeah, it's definitely. Sometimes people, I don't want to discredit anyone who has made further modifications because those were right for them and their body but for someone who isn't ready, or it's more of an internal struggle than an external struggle, it's definitely been something like for me personally, to be able to be like, okay, I actually didn't really like this part of my body at all, and I hated it and now I'm going to draw attention to it with a sparkly thing and it makes me love it, which -

Melissa: Seems counterintuitive, but it's-

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: It really does. I don't know I swear by it. It's really true. You would think like because for me, I have my septum pierced and I still love my septum piercing. Sometimes, I take it out because some days I'm just like, yeah, I don't really want to rock that. I thought about getting my nostril pierced again but I'm like, I don't know, I just don't like the sides of my nose very much because I have a very witch nose. Which it's like it might make me enjoy my nose more, you know?

Jessica: Well, and a lot of that is an internal struggle for you. I look at your nose and I'm like, Oh my gosh, you could rock some beautiful jewelry on your nose, especially those more statement pieces.

Melissa: Yes.

Jessica: You have a nose that it's unique to be able to rock that kind of jewelry where other people might not, and I think it would look absolutely stunning on you but also, it's your choice.

Melissa: Right. It's one of those things that it's subjective. It's everybody's personal taste to it.

Jessica: Yeah, well, I like the jewelry that you have. I especially like the oversized captive bead ring. I think that looks so cool.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: I did like offsets your glasses just perfectly. First off, how old were you when you got your septum pierced?

Melissa: I think I was 14.

Jessica: You're 14? What was --

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: Did you get pierced in Oregon?

Melissa: I actually got it pierced at Washington believe it or not.

Melissa and Jessica share their parent’s take with their piercings

Jessica: Okay. I was like, how was that with your parents, were they accepting of it? Were they like not?

Melissa: My mom was not keen on it, she didn't really. Yes, she didn't really like it but it was after I had, I believe it was after I had my nostril pierced and that didn't go too well because I had a mishap with a bird and ripped it out.

Jessica: Oh no!

Melissa: And then I actually put the jewelry back in. It's way too sour and then it fell out when I did put some jewelry back in because it was too small gauge and it fell out but my mom wasn't very accepting of it and I tried to tell her that I can flip it up, which is one of the things you can do with a septum piercing. You would be able to do that once it's healed more so.

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: But I gave her that option that I could flip it up if she had wanted me to. I actually wrote a paper to her too, as to why I want this piercing so if there is some light to it where I think she did understand, I think it was because she wasn't ready to accept that I was changing. She felt like it was going to be very permanent and piercings are not as permanent as people think, you know?

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: It was just because I was still very young and I remember looking back at pictures and I'm like, maybe I did get it pretty young because I was still in middle school so-

Jessica: That's awesome.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: My parents would have freaked out. I'd write a paper to my dad when I was 16 to get my nose pierced and ever since then, it just hasn't stopped.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: What about your lip piercing? What was that like?

Melissa: So I got that before my brother's birthday when I was about 16; before my brother's birthday, and I showed up to my brother's birthday party at the [inaudible 11:36], and my dad was like, "What is that?" And my dad is more conservative than my mom. See, I usually have an easier time with asking or telling my mom than I do my dad and just the scrutiny was my dad can be hard sometimes but at this point in my life, they know that I'm like this, that this is kind of how I am. I embrace the alternative style and I like that sort of thing. I have that niche for it, but back then, I was still I was coloring my hair too so I definitely eased into it. I was in that kind of sin phase so it's like, they knew that I was like this, but piercings were just like the next level and I'm sure they felt a bit uneasy over that.

Jessica: Yeah, well, it's hard when there's a stigma associated with modification and then I honestly think a lot of it has nothing to do with the stigma with modification and it has everything to do with the fact that their child is growing up.

Melissa: Absolutely. I think it's more so that. Yeah.

Jessica: Because like my mom will be like, oh, I like that piercing on so and so, but not on you, Jess and I'm like, huh? It's because I'm your kid.

Melissa: It's because it's personal. It's personal to them because they birthed you, they raised you, and they see that you have piercings and they're just like, I don't know what to think about that. I agree with that as well.

Jessica: If you were to do anything in your life, career-wise, or vocation, so like your life goal entwined in this job, what would it be?

Melissa talks about how she would incorporate art in the job she wanted to do

Melissa: One thing I have planned for sure is, I want to do something in special education.

Jessica: Oh cool.

Melissa: I just really, really do and I would love to incorporate art with it because I really would like to be doing more art than I do now.

Jessica: Yeah, like art therapy or ---

Melissa: Yeah, that's basically what I'm thinking is art therapy.

Jessica: Cool!

Melissa: I don't have any skills in that, but I feel like it'd be really nice. I had an internship where I did create some art projects for a special education program at my high school and I was an intern there and I really enjoyed it. I was just kind of like, I would even enjoy it more if I got to do this for longer.

Jessica: Yeah, that's so cool! So I'm assuming you've graduated high school?

Melissa: I did. Yes.

Jessica: I was like, I don't know you look kind of young. So are you about to start college or you're already in college or ---

Melissa: I've thought about it. I always second guess myself and I'm very reluctant. I take a lot of time considering an option and stuff like that. I just don't have enough money to go to college and then with the situation that we're in right now, even community college, I just don't have enough money to go and I've considered it. I've even gotten into the process of enrolling and I was like, I don't know, I'm like, I don't have enough money and then with the whole pandemic COVID-19, public schools are not open right now. They closed for the rest of the school year, and I was like, I wouldn't be able to do it. I need to physically go to a place, to go to school, get myself out of bed, because that's just how my motivation runs. I can't sit at home and work on the computer or else I wouldn't graduate. I put myself in the shoes of other people and think about the situations that they're in. If they're struggling, let's say they don't have WiFi at home, they don't have a computer, they're low income, they don't have transportation, it's like how are they going to be motivated to work on schoolwork at home on a computer? Do it online. It's like, I wouldn't have that motivation I probably would have dropped out in result of COVID-19. I'm just like, I don't think I would have graduated.

Jessica: Yeah, everyone's learning style is different too, you know?

Melissa: It is.

Jessica: I did an online school, but it was because I did better following my own tune kind of a thing versus -

Melissa: It's not [inaudible 16:37]. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah and then when I was in a structured class, I just didn't really thrive at all because I get distracted.

Melissa: For me, I need to be pushed. I need to have somebody help push me. I can't do my own thing but it does help for somebody to be like, come on, let's get on with it.

Jessica: Let's keep on going!

Melissa reveals the reason why she wanted to help people who learn differently

Melissa: Yeah, that's why I was in an alternative education program that really, really saved me.

Jessica: Cool. Is that what led you to want to help other people who learn differently?

Melissa: Honestly, yeah, a lot of it too. I really, really liked my teachers as well. My school was actually like one of the first that had basically created that program and in that style, as well. So what it is, is you work on packets that go towards credits and stuff like that, but then you have one day where you will stay in the classroom to work on packets and then every other day of the school week, you go out to your internships.

Jessica: Oh! Okay.

Melissa: So it's really applying a lot of actual work skills.

Jessica: Yeah, so you're not just had knowledge I could actually work like, life knowledge.

Melissa: Yeah, you can definitely work in a professional setting. You get to experience that and apply that not just be told, this is what you should be doing.

Jessica: Only to find out that it's not what you needed to know at all.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: Oh, that's cool.

Melissa: I had a lot of---

Jessica: Do you think---Pardon me.

Melissa: I had a lot of internships as well.

Jessica: That's super cool and the special education was your favorite one?

Melissa: Oh, yeah. It was.

Jessica: That's super cool! Do you think that your experience being modified and interacting with people as someone who....as someone who is modified myself, I found that it's a barrier to people and I almost have to win them over with my personality before they can accept me physically. Do you think that has prepared you for this life dream of helping other people shine from the inside out?

Melissa: I do. Yeah.

Jessica: Could you talk a little bit more about that?

Melissa and Jessica discuss how they perceive people as modified persons

Melissa: Yeah. Like I feel with my internship, I did questions about my piercings a lot of the time and I try not to... how do I put them into words? I don't really talk about my piercings in hoping that they would understand. I just definitely be myself, you know?

Jessica: Yeah.

Melissa: Let my personality do the talking rather than actually just go and talk about my piercings because my piercings are personal to me. Some people are curious enough to want to know more about it. I'm more than willing and I love to spread knowledge if people desire to hear about it.

Jessica: That's cool. Yeah. I feel the same way about mine. Everything that I've done had some sort of meaning to me whether it was I needed to accept a certain part of my body or I needed to accept my physical self and make a stand like, this is who I am, this is me. It definitely changes your perspective, I think on like, I don't know, I used to work in a restaurant and I would have like older people, older gentlemen. One guy even grabbed my arm and he was like, "This is permanent. Do you know?" And I was like, Yes, can you unleash me, you know?

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: It definitely changes the way that you perceive other people, I think, because I know I want to be seen for me not for my physical appearance and so I tend to see other people as a reflection of that for who they are and not their physical appearance and have you noticed anything similar or is it more of a separate like, this is who I am and then everyone outside of that is a little bit different?

Melissa: I've always been the type of person to accept people for their personality rather than looks. I've always been geared in that sense; in many aspects as well. I do feel like some people just have a hard time accepting. It depends on age group too.

Jessica: Yes.

Melissa: In my age group, with some of those students that I was working with in that internship, they're around my age. They're definitely very accepting. I've worked with lots of different age groups so I feel like it's definitely knowing your surroundings and just sort of people's attitudes as well. It really depends on age group.

Jessica: Yeah, it definitely does and I think where you're at. I've been in some places where I've been treated with distressed, you know?

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: I worked too crazy and then it's been other places where I would actually not fit in if I didn't have any---that's why I like regular colored hair.

Melissa: Yeah. I mean, Portland is definitely known for being out there, you know?

Jessica: Yes, which I love.

Melissa: Yeah, some people don't like it and then some people do and then I don't know the people that just come here to just put it down. I mean, come on. I don't know. I want to know who started Keep Portland Weird.

Jessica: That's true. When this pandemic is all over, are you going to get another piercing you think?

Melissa: Oh, I really want to actually.

Jessica: What do you think?

Melissa shares what piercing she is looking forward to get after the pandemic

Melissa: I've been really thinking about getting my Medusa done.

Jessica: Ah, oh, do it! I had mine pierced. It's one that I ended up [inaudible 23:06] in the room, it was location-wise, it wasn't like the piercing itself. I had it pierced a little bit too much to the right so it wasn't perfectly symmetrical.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: But I loved it. I think that would look so great on you.

Melissa: Yeah, I have a lot of space up here and I just feel like the anatomy would be really lovely for it.

Jessica: Yeah, that's what I had two because some people have a very short philtrum with this part of your body as well.

Melissa: Yeah, exactly.

Jessica: But I had a larger one so I actually got to put a really big like a 10-millimeter piece there and it is my favorite. Oh, I'm so excited for you!

Melissa: I've even seen double philtrum piercings and if somebody has a lot of space on their upper lip on their philtrum, it just looks really nice. Having a larger piece and then a smaller piece on top as well. I just like the symmetry and the structure of piercings and especially on certain faces or body types, seeing a certain piercing and how the jewelry just complements it, could be color, the size of the bead, lots of different things and it just makes somebody's face really, really beautiful.

Jessica: It does. Yeah, piercings are just...first off, they're sparkly, whether it's a gem or it's just metal, it just shines.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: And it's fun. I don't know, I love everything about it and I also like that it's temporary. You can rock it for a little bit and if you change your mind, then you're really only left with a small scar versus tattoos where if you get a tattoo, that's there forever, which I also like about tattoos, but it's different.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: There's more flexibility with piercings, which is great for anyone who is anxious and has a hard time making decisions like ---

Melissa: Yeah. It's great for those people, definitely.

Jessica: You're like hmm

Melissa: Oh yeah, it's true.

Jessica: So before I let you go and enjoy the rest of what is turned out to be a beautiful day in Oregon. What advice would you give to someone who is afraid to get pierced but really wants to?

Melissa ends the conversation with advice to those who are afraid to get pierced but really wants to

Melissa: Don't think too hard about it. I'm not gonna say just go out and do it but have knowledge about it, definitely. That will help your decision immensely is just having knowledge about what to use to clean it, what jewelry you're going to wear and daily wear, how is that gonna affect you? You don't want to have a piercing get tugged on stuff like that. Just take a lot of things into consideration, I think is great but other than that, piercings are really lovely, you know? Just do it. Just do it. If you take it into consideration, you know?

Jessica: Oh, that's awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time, Melissa; for sharing your heart, for sharing your perspective on piercing. It was great chatting with you and I'm excited when this is all over so we can hopefully pierce your Medusa.

Melissa: Yeah.

Jessica: Alright, well, have a great rest of your day.

Melissa: Thank you. You too.

Jessica: Bye.

Melissa: Bye.